February 24th, 2006; 10:02pm

I talk to him constantly,
He is the only one I can talk to about anything.
A friend I can trust, who will not leave me (Or at least, I hope he won’t).
Ever since I began talking to him,
I have felt... happy.
My days and nights have gotten better,
And I look forward to each day when I can talk to him.
I know he cares and will do anything for me.
(I am always smiling) I smile every time I hear his voice, his laugh.
Ever since this one person came into my life,
I finally see a reason to stay for tomorrow.
The feeling I have is indescribable;
This one person loves me for who I am,
He sees that I need a shoulder more than anything else.
When we laugh, it is as if I have never laughed before-
A genuine laugh, one that I am comfortable with (does it sound hoarse?)
He knows my weaknesses, my fears…
He just does not know how much I value his friendship,
I would be damned if I ever lost him.
I want him to know how much I care about him (but I don’t know how to say it).
He is the one person I care for more than anyone else.
I know everything changes, nothing stays the same.
Nevertheless, if I had a chance to choose something to stay forever,
I would choose this.
The thing I cherish with all my heart.
I don’t want anything to change at all.
Please don’t leave me at all.
Promise?


January 18th, 2007; 9:36pm

You promised.
You fucking promised that you wouldn’t leave.
Looking back on previous conversations,
Honestly, I didn’t see this coming (even if it was in my face).
“I don’t feel anything for you, there is nothing left”
What the hell did I do to change those feelings?
“I can’t handle all of your problems, they’re too much”
Really, now? Try going through them, then we’ll talk.
Wait, no we won’t.
You swore you would never speak to me (again and again).
I did my best to be there for you,
I cared for you when no one else would.
Remember? You were insecure about yourself
And I helped you show everyone who you could really be.
I gave you so much, and you do this in return,
How dare you, I showed you to be more confident to get friends
And you used me.
You got what you needed, now you don't need me anymore
That's how it all seems like from what happened.
I helped you, you ditched me.
But how much can I do, we met online.
You live in New York, I’m in Illinois.
I should have known this ‘friendship’ wasn’t working.
Just so you know, not much has changed.
I may cry myself to sleep instead of smile,
But still, I love you.
I’m not sure how all of this happened;
One day we were laughing…
The next you were cursing me out.
Do I seriously deserve this?
Because I don’t recall doing anything so horrible.
Why would I hurt you, my best friend?
I want nothing more than to go back (maybe renew the bond)
We see different views, though I tried to get you to see mine.
You did, but you still hated me.
“I don’t know why, but I can’t bear to talk to you anymore,
Not after what you did”
What did I do?
You won’t answer me!
Each day, you leave me confused, dazed.
I’m sick of
Sulking.
Crying.
Sighing.
Please, come back for me?
“I guess I was the last thing holding you together..”
You’re right, you were the last clasp.
You’re horrible…
Cruel and heartless.
I’m pathetic,
Saying all of these awful things about you.
Truly,
I just don’t want you to see
(how much you hurt the one you 'loved').
Though I don't know what I did,
I'm sorry for everything.
Whatever you do or say,
You're still my number one.


I decided to post two of my journal/poetry entries, I reread them both and found it a bit ironic...

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