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"show me" by SourInnocence

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So much anger so much pain
Too many voices driving me insane.
Tell me one more time
How I need you deep inside.
Show how you’ll hurt me,
Though I’ve seen them all before.

So much hatred so much rage
Too many locks to this cage.
Tell me one more time
How I’m laughing inside.
Show me how you’ll make me cry,
Because I don’t think I could anymore

So little hope, so little pride
Nothing left to take inside.
Tell me once again
How I use to love you then.
Show me how you broke me down,
Though I might have enjoyed it more.




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On Sunday June 1st, 2003, Midnight Phoenix (313) writes:
This piece seemed a little generic to me. I'd like to see it be a little more descriptive and fluid. Keep writing!


On Sunday June 1st, 2003, An Expired Member (3) writes:
Great write. Something I can relate to. I like how you made the rhymes help the depth of the poem, not take away from it.



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Printed from www.DarkPoetry.com/dp/1496/12909 on Wednesday December 03rd, 2008 06:08 PM

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