Since conception I, like few others, have had a great disadvantage
The unrelenting beat of an eclectic mindset
Propelling me to look forward constantly like a killer bass line

This advantage, for years, has brought me stability
Despite my placement in an otherwise miserable world
Brought me the respect of many peers who know my humbled nature

Brought me the love of not only people but a foundation
As solid as the parliament still untouched by man

My psyche grew as I spoke in parabola's for hundreds to read into
To debate, pick apart and conspirator over
All the while providing the backdrop for many avenues in life
Such as education, continuing professionalism and financial gain

This advantage mocked those who chose to stay the same
Though it warranted them financial gain, it prevented them freedom
While I had the legal and comfortable ability to pander,
Whichever journey I chose
It also broadened my capabilities on compromising priorities

This advantage was never proven more,
Than when the floor was cut out from under my feet
My good faith stomped all over and I was dismissed from creativity

Lost and unknowing what and where to go
Suddenly all the other possibilities seemed dark
Yet my peers came to my rescue, their unselfish ways
Provided another solid body work for I could feed off of

This was more gratifying and rewarding more my previous years
But suddenly, facing demographic elimination, I stripped down
And it revealed more than eclectic behavior but an unusual insanity

My inability to face truth
That I am not above nor below others in this world
That because I do not agree with it, doesn't make it wrong
This discovery hurt me and has spun my life out of control

Now I look at my equipment, home studio, awards and I wonder...

Remembering me lying in my bed, inside that small moving bus
With a driver that I hardly knew because I never needed to...
How I used to watch the different seasons and states change
Coast to coast, other countries, the legal contracts and technicalities

Yet none of it seems worth a damn now
As I look at my down-sized world, laying next to you, in bed
Looking at you, just as beautiful as the day we met
Extremely grateful that your love for me has went unflinching
Despite my characteristic flaws of "First I'm Here and then I ain't"

I know I have you and that should make me happy
But while it does, I cant shake the feeling of being wrong
Direction less...

Unsure of how to help you, to see you through your physical pain
With the exception of hold your hand and falsely saying, "It's okay"
We both know otherwise, know you are struggling to hold on
Your physical body deteriorating, you willpower diminishing
Yet somehow finding a way to wake up ask me what is on my mind
Listen to my problems unselfishly, each second making me hurt more
Wrapping your loving arms around me,
Reassuring me that you'll be alive in the morning

The clock drags by and the darkness continues to swell around me
Alone again as I think about the unforgiving confines of this life
I look out the window at the Gulf behind this domicile and how I would trade it in
Give this supposed paradise all away

Every last penny, award and fame that I have earned
Just to hear and feel your heartbeat continue another day...

I love you even more with this moment of time

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