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"Big Draw City(By The Sea)" by carlosjackal

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Mirrorball moon and the raving loon
white noise stabs
the killer tune
smoke inhalation
her throat burns
with the sting of her lover’s tears
her heart as black and hollow as the West Pier
a lover washed up on the shore
her other known only by her weeping in the tides
no soothe
not even in the wash
and the sshhhh
the wash
and the sshhhh
of the waves
reaching in
towards
the seaside front-scape
of the big draw city
bright lights and hope in flight
high rents and artists in service
throwing imaginary coins
to alleyway whispers
arcade dropouts promising
the love of a warm tipster

and the lovers…

their DNA becoming tiny diamonds
along the sand
secrets of the heart crystallised
waiting for the wash
and the sshhhh
the wash
and the sshhhh
to finally soothe their souls
and sail them to the moon.








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On Sunday June 22nd, 2008, The Zebra Warrior (2404) writes:
I'm digging the first line...what happened here, did you re-post this, edit it or something? You posted this a good while back originally, possibly late 06? I'm not sure, it has a post-Romantic perspective allied with some contemporary ideas presenting imagery. I like the DNA part especially and the rhythmic presentation of the sea. You make Brighton by nightfall very exotic and sensual, and that's a hard thing to do! Good swaying breezy wordplay....nice one scallyface!


On Thursday June 19th, 2008, evolve (2229) writes:
Oh, wow. (I say that a lot when I comment on your poetry, I've noticed. Haha. It's wow-inducing.) I wish I had the words to describe just how this piece lulled me into an almost hypnotic stance, that peace/piece of mind and nirvana that you get from just listening to the ocean, and those beautiful poetic thoughts start to set in...and you feel like, just for this moment, nothing could be wrong in the world, anywhere. Because it's just you and the Lady Sea. Everyone else disappears. You start thinking if the ocean is so salty because of mermaid tears. Oh God, this makes me miss it. The Mississippi river just can't compare. ..and that last stanza did me in. Such a beautiful idea.


On Wednesday June 18th, 2008, raskal (200) writes:
awesome...loved the plaintive mood of this -and the opening line is a killer. good reading you again carl. and the repetition of the wash and the shh of the waves -suggesting (to me) secrecy, silence and cleansing of all the city's ills -really works. I thought of Brighton till I read 'sand' and not pebbles ....!


On Monday June 16th, 2008, Rebell tiGer King (638) writes:
Beautiful brother :D beautiful poetry -symph-


On Monday June 16th, 2008, What Limes (178) writes:
intense


On Monday June 16th, 2008, downstream (113) writes:
soul moving imagery that wrapped me in dark, cool, painfulling soothing silk decorated with images of alleyways carved into the oceans of broken lovers' hearts. Definitely a favorite, Thank You! ~Downstream~


On Monday June 16th, 2008, Sketso (540) writes:
So wonderfully written, I imagined myself there... of course, my love of the ocean helps. ;) Well done, Carl.


On Monday June 16th, 2008, urbanhumility (1356) writes:
personal and articulate.........


On Monday June 16th, 2008, After hours (571) writes:
Some of the terms and descriptions you used in this have sent my imagination off on a tangent, in exploration of alternative inspiration...takes leaf from the jackal...very nice.



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