I am being encroached upon by a thickening darkness...

Lonliness and despair seeping in through the corners and cracks of my soul...

I reach out, but is anyone there?

No. My house is a burden of emptiness and solitude.

I beckon for some one to come...

But alas i am gone when they arive...

Swept into other lives to try and regain something of myself.

I return to the darkening void...

Lit only by the music of my soul and the candle light of my heart.

Why did i return? What am i doing here?

It is my home... it is where i must return to eventually...

I ask for the light of another to come warm this ever deepening chill...

Help keep the darkening void at bay for a little longer...

Comfort my soul and hold me up for a breif moment...

I sink into the freezing waters of this hellacious exsistence the more i struggle...

I surface from time to time and can feel warmth, but hidding below is my frozen body...

Aching for another...

 Calling out to her...

 Tearing at it's self preferring pain to lonliness...

Asking each moment for an end...

Cursing fate and divinity for not granting it...

Yet thankful at the same time...

Knowing i am stronger, but wounded and weak for the time being...

Pain and fear turns to rage and i dive into the light and warmth of my soul...

Feeding upon my own energy and growing greater by the second...

I am now filled with energy and strength...

Temporary as it may be, i have rebounded from my dark prison...

I will fall back eventually, but for now i move on little by little.

Looking back and crying...

I yern to find what was once lost...

Not knowing what the future may hold, and not caring...

I walk a chosen path toward the unknown...

Ignoring all other choices to chase one dream...

Destruction, ruin, and death may come upon me through these steps...

I welcome them all with open arms for the slightest chance to gain what brings me home to bliss...

That one small impossible chance lights my way and brings an ember of hope to my being...

Through a hail of words against my decision i push on...

Some even coming from the source of my passion...

Yet i strive forward...

Never giving up...

Never laying down...

Never quitting...

Love is too strong to be killed with words or fear...

It rises above all else and conquers the heart.

 

That is my dirrection, but this is my house...

Dark, lonely, and empty...

Devoid of life. Dismal at it's best. A damp prison reeking from the sweat of my trials and tribulations...

The walls echo my thoughts...

My pain...

My cries...

No one there to silence them...

No one to comfort my tortured self...

No one around to hear them...

How can i stand it? you wonder...

I can because i must...

I have to seek out and stand by what i lost...

That is all that gives me true happiness...

Being a part of her...

If she denies me until the end of eternity...

Then at least i was there to hear it...

And that tiny blip of a chance to be granted access to a real form of heavenly bliss is worth hundreds of life times worth of suffering...

So i will keep swimming through the black icy waters...

I will continue to stagger through the darkening void...

I will walk the empty and lonely halls of my home...

And i will do it all with a smile and the light of my hope to guide my way.

***Long Pause***

Curse me and say what you will...

Turn away and leave me to ruin...

It will not break me...

If i must, i will walk this road alone into oblivion and never look back again...

But i shall never forget the greatness that once was "us".

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