DarkPoetry -|- Mathesix -|- The Last Poem I Ever Want to Write About a Girl

The Last Poem I Ever Want to Write About a Girl

Today I watched the sun as it fell from the sky...
Literally

It crashed among the vermilion fields
Of unicorn haunts and fairy tale wishes
Like a firefly into my pupil
A kinetic response to mirror my pain
Spewing fire-drops of ruby discontent

Discontent, malcontent, this monument I do raise
A testament
To every wondrous moment we shared
Lollipops and gumdrops and bubblegum patches
To seal the cracks created

Created, cremated, this heart in my hand
Still beating for the memory
This utterly insane fallacy
Of life and love and secondhand daydreams
I tried to salvage us with every ounce of myself
I have nothing else to give

To give, forgive, me and my assumptions
I didn't presume to know
A whore dressed in a princess's clothing
Tinted with aspirations to become the
Queen of Spades

Spades, shades, of long lost kingdoms
Precariously perched upon waterfalls
With rainbows criss-crossing
The spires
Invisible in the clouds as was I...

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Comments on The Last Poem I Ever Want to Write About a Girl

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On Friday July 27th, 2007, Solace (1425) writes:

I came back :) I still love how it works itself up into a rhythm - and i think that the ending ties itself in far more seamlessly now - it truly is a well written piece. Cheers

On Friday June 1st, 2007, Mab (995) writes:

The words are a maelstrom...thrashing about my head. Sighs, lies, sugared broken heart demise...incredible!

On Tuesday June 13th, 2006, Drea (929) writes:

Respect. Such images, flow...honest.

On Monday June 12th, 2006, ZealousValadiction (66) writes:

...wow were have I been that I missed this write. I love the imagry in this poem and the mood itself is in my eyes perfect. Great write-Laurie

On Monday June 12th, 2006, dp_whipping_girl (406) writes:

damn, that second to the last stanza is a killing blow; the whole thing is fabulous in all the right ways; its a pleasure to read your gifted writing as always, Josh! ~pf

On Monday June 12th, 2006, Thorn (436) writes:

You craft a beautiful tangle of surreal imagery that hes me captivated... I am amazed.

On Monday June 12th, 2006, TwilightMelodies (1064) writes:

"It crashed among the vermilion fields/Of unicorn haunts and fairy tale wishes" God, have you portrayed a wonderful thought process here. You left me gasping for more at the end...brilliant! ~*Beth*~

On Monday June 12th, 2006, Mathesix (67) writes:

*Note- The ending has been changed since Sir Solace's comments. Whether they still apply, of course, is to his discretion.

On Monday June 12th, 2006, The Zebra Warrior (2405) writes:

imagination or are just prosaic full stop. I thought the imagery in this was also divine and would say the neat twists of aliteration add a unique sardonic tone..almost like the cards from Alice in Wonderland...I enjoyed it very much Josh!!

On Monday June 12th, 2006, The Zebra Warrior (2405) writes:

I thought the poem was osomething a little different and I didn't feel the critic was all that harsh...but I dont agree, I don't feel it was too cliched because Ive read to many other poems on here that don't approach their subject matters with any imagin

On Monday June 12th, 2006, Solace (1425) writes:

Firstly, this has the beginnings of a good piece of poetry - I like how you have conveyed the unrealistic view - almost satyrically. Secondly, the conclusion was a little cliche, a little trite - forgive the critic for criticism...

On Monday June 12th, 2006, An Expired Member (22) writes:

I agree with Solace. And btw... mostly whores dress even better than princesses, maybe cause they are more aeware of reality.

On Monday June 12th, 2006, dp_whipping_girl (406) writes:

clearly you have never seen East Colfax in Denver, Colorado on a Friday night; theres no way those women dress better than the former Japanese princess did before she gave up her royalty for marriage. ~pf

On Monday June 12th, 2006, Solace (1425) writes:

There is some truly great metaphor and scenery within this "created cremated heart in my hand" alliteration painted with perfect meaning and the rythm was divine

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