ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
age:22
the authors birthday: 10/5/83
(short and ugly)height: 5'6"
the authors eye color: brown
(long curly) hair color: black
his mental condition: stable
unfortunate location: upstate ny
relationship status: committed
favorite color: gray
favorite bands: AFI, Greenday, Vaughner, music involving violins, punk, industrial indie rock, ect
favorite movies: fight club, hedwig and the angry inch, the jacket, phantom of the opera, requiem for a dream, the boondock saints.
To hear my music go to this link at jones music.
http://www.myjonesmusic.com/code/music/band/2076
MANIFESTO:
I don't expect any of you to respect or understand my words. The world is full of artists and intellectual insects just waiting to be crushed so they can be the next martyr on the canvas. I am not a special angel of song or music or words... my gift is pain. I don't marinate my heart in misery, I don't have to. that is what it's made of. I'm too brave to kill myself but I'm too cowardly to live. I try to be happy but I always end up back here. armed with a brush or pen or typing away fervently at the keys to make the words stop. I don't hear voices, I hear words... I don't see canvas... I see salvation. I am a poet and this is my manifesto.
I have found that blind truth is liberating. In an attempt to liberate/embarass/be self destructive I am posting quite a few secrets about myself that Only few people know. Do not comment or mail me about these because these are not here to extract pity. they are so you will understand my work. thank you
forgive me if this is off a bit being i was a drug addict in my teens for the most of it and it was a blur.
age 1: was born to a sweatshop worker and a janitor in endicott new york. when i started to crawl I broke all of my fingers in a rat trap because my father was drunk watching football.
age 2 : my mother worked around the clock as did my dad. my mom brought home action figures from the dollar store every night for me. which is why I love superheroes and comics.
age 3 : parents were worried because though i was reading and writing at a kindergarten level I had chronic nightmares of falling.
age 4 : was locked in a closet for several days by a babysitter with my brother. the closet has been debated as being my room by my parents however I do not remember. The only thing I heard was the babysitter fucking her boyfriend in the next room and my brother crying. the only thing i could see was a glow in the dark clown picture on the wall.
age 5 : We moved to newark valley ny where i was molested by a friend of the family while we watched baywatch. I started school this year I believe.
age 6 : molestation continues as does marital problems with my mother and father. my father was cheating and my mother was so depressed that our house soon became a pack rat hell.
age 7 : heard my first ozzy song... "goodbye to romance" and also got into the ramones. I believe this was the year I was raped by the friend of the family and his sister.
age 8 : was constantly being picked on for being the smart kid. and the fat kid. and the ugly kid. ect so on so forth. kids suck. was held back several times because of social problems although my math reading cmomprehension and scintific skills were far superior to my classmates. I was a "trouble child"
age 9 : tried first cigarette at gunpoint. longer story, not worth writing.
age 10 : got my first crush on a girl named crystal smith. A slightly insane irish her girl who dated all my friends, my cousin and was my "best friend". you know the kind.
age 11 : can't remember if I lost my virginity this year or the next but she kind of just layed there. I went for hours but she didn't seem too enthused. she cheated on me soon thereafter.
(these next years are a bit hectic and out of order)
age 12 : joined the wrestling team and lost close to 100 pounds of fat. gained about 50 in muscle. I tried hard to be like everyone else. it almost worked too when I almost gained the state championship and was awarded most improved wrestler . I then after a few years quit due to my health. I was losing too much weight and my parents thought i was dead one night. oh yeah and somewhere in here i joined a band.
age 13 : started sucking in school...
age 14 : started sucking more in school... oh and this i believe is the year i dropped from wrestling. and started smoking pot. crystal was raped (losing her virginity)
age 15 : i stated hating everything and it showed. grades plummetted. I started doing a bunch of drugs. oh yeah and i became a total boywhore. I chopped my hair into a mohawk and pierced everything you can pierce. although i was still fairly innocent (which i know now looking back). my parents kicked me out and i was homeless.
age 16 :still homeless but now i live under a bridge. I start to think I'm losing my mind. every night i go back to my sleeping bag under the bridge and write poetry under it in charcoal. I have a job for food and booze at a cafe as a dishwasher. I live in ithaca new york. I bathe in the waterfalls and purchase a set of daggers i keep strapped to my boots.
(again I'm not sure of the timeline now so it's probably a lot off)
(tired of writing i'll finish this later) note: Later has become a year and a half: I will write the rest now.
Age 17: A drug induced coma backstage at a rockshow, brought back to life by a half naked girl I barely knew. The look in her eyes was terrible. How could anyone care about me? I was so aful to myself and everyone around me.
Age 18: Rock shows, more drugs, a fast girlfriend, and I now live In a squathouse that used to be a church. I have a matress and a six string, beneath an old bronze cross. I fall asleep looking up at a stained glass god... and I absolutley hate the fucking bastard. Candles and cold whisper in through the cracks in brick. christine keeps me warm. I only breathe because she breathes...
Age 19: Christine stopped breathing in alleyway behind a pennsylvania coffeehouse. No one cares if a junkie dies, I fucking cared. I knew she was dead when her tears stopped. My T-shirt was soaked through with her sweat and tears. There's no feeling as terrible in the world as kissing the lips of your lover and stealing their warmth, only for the warmth never to return.
Age 20: ...
(maybe I will write more next year...)
