Down I go,
Past the breeze,
Beyond the water.
Deeper then the core of the earth.
Drowning, in my substantial lying thoughts.
I stare up with glazed eyes.
Feeling my heart stop in my chest.
And my last breath excel from my lungs.

I will not exist past this moment.
Of severe emptiness. There is nothing there.
Just nothingness.
I won't be aware of when it stops.
When my heart doesn't beat.
When my lungs doesn't fill with air.
My mind will crease to speak.

My body will refuse to move.
My eyes will be empty.
Mournful, happy, sad, depressed, lustful.
I feel my body shudder as I wake up again.
Remembering the feeling, or the not feeling.
Where nothing existed.
Not even I.

Just the startling revelation that I was
awaking. My lungs forcing air down my
wind pipes. I still remember the not feeling.
Where the frightening realization came.
That I go no where.
I don't travel to heaven or hell.

I don't detach myself from my body and
stare down as the events happen. My soul.
Does it really exist?
Does my heart really go on after this?
Just the remembrance of the air.
The impact.

The blurry images as my eyes opened once
again like a new born babe. Tears still
falling out of my eyes. I do remember.
I still think of it often.
That feeling of not being there.

Of not going to be remembered.
My heart never racing.
My soul never touching the sky.
It's my depression.

That I know.
There is no light to follow.
No devils hand to grab.
Just. Nothingness.
Where will all end up.

Now, I no longer cry about my
best friend taking my life that far.
I cry because I never want to die.
I never want to be forgotten.
I never want to stop existing.

I want it to matter.
I want my soul to touch the cheeks
of thousands of beings knowing life.
Is beautiful.

Is there any reincarnation.
Is there really, if I didn't even travel.
Do we go anywhere, besides blacking out
like stars? Never to return again.
I'm scared.

I know if I cut my wrists.
I'd go no where.
I know if I overdose on pills.
My mind will no longer be there.
My emotions, my heart.
My.... soul?

Completely destroyed.
Because I remember that not.
When I close my eyes.
I push my thoughts beyond its limit.
Staring at the possibility I know to come.
I fall.

Further then the universe, the stars.
The planets and other life forms.
Into nothingness.

I wake up.
Knowing too much.
That after my last breath leaves.
I won't exist.

Just.

Complete utter nothingness.

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