I look in the refrigerator its like a mirror.
I see my reflection, I see the weight gaining
on my limbs. I close the door knowing I weighed
myself earlier. Knowing I gained some more
pounds. I sigh, leaning against the roaring
cold seducter. I looked in the mirror, knowing
damn well I need to try better.

To love myself.
To give a damn about the person staring back.
But, I go to my friend.
The place where my favorite things lie to be
eaten.

I walk away.

I open the refrigerator once again.
My face glistens against the jugs, and cans.
The containers and the frozen things.
My stretch marks burn across my stomach
as tears fall into my eyes. Knowing I'm hungry.
But, sometimes I don't dare a bite.
Its like a mirror.

I can see myself.
So it must be a mirror.
I hold my arms against myself.

He tells me I'm beautiful.
I'm perfect the way I am.
He will always see a beautiful woman.
And he will always love me for me.
I love those words.

Because I know they are true.
Deep down under my skin I know it's true.
Then she tells me I've gained weight.
That I'm eating too much.
That I need exercise and need to lose weight.
Shes like the mirror. It judges me so.

Because I know she tells the truth.
Maybe?
Possibly?
No.

She's jealous.
She hates me.
I know.

I open the fridge.
I grab the chocolates.
The sugary, the greasy things.
I gorge on them, feeling bad.
Because I'm gorging because I
can't stop thinking.

I'm deteriorating behind this fat.
Behind these stretch marks.
I no longer show my stomach.
No longer do I wish to wear dresses.
I don't to wear that shirt I love.
Just because it makes it worse.

And, I know she'll say something again.
And drown out my husbands voice.
I cry my eyes out, and push the door closed.
Popping a meatball, or those country fried
potatoes with extra butter in my mouth.
I scrub my skin.

Until I know it's left my system.
Until I know I no longer feel like I ate the things I did.
I can't help it.
I can't help but drown and eat.
To find comfort with my friend.
The fridge.

I look into its contents.
I see my reflection knowing with each bite.
I'll grow to hate the imagine hidden within.


Only this mirror, can tell lies.

If you [Log In] as a member you can discuss this work with others