I miss the laughter that we used to share.
And the way you looked at me, my heart just stopped.
I asked you if you remembered what it was like to be us.
You told me that we were still us, things just changed.
Everything will get better, soon. I feel a chill through
all this sweat. As I lay here and know. Remembering
what it was like to laugh. I thought I forgot. That it
was forever misplaced. But, I thought of it and
I knew what it was like again.

We used to be playful, so much more than we are now.
How easily my world came into happiness.
I'm sorry that we haven't been the same. That sometimes
I forget how to smile and nothing but silent tears are
shaming my face. I wish to give you that laughter again.
Those pristine smiles. The way the world just turned
around and around just for us. We used to say the
most beautiful things, so poetic, so pure. Just so we
can out love the other.

I miss those little things, the small simple things you used
to say. How beautiful I was, how I took your breath away.
I wish I could take your breath away today, and your eyes
would light up with that fire. It's hard to think how far we
come, and how close we've come to breaking down. But,
we fight each day, getting through each moment. Still
loving each other but with more intensity. With more joy.

I used to be afraid to think of us being married, that maybe
you didn't want that. I used to think of us having kids, the
way they would share your hair, your smile, your eyes. I would
be mingled somewhere in there. But, mostly I wanted to have
little reminders of you, when you were off to work. One night
you told me that you could imagine laying beside me, with my
tummy puffed out with pregnancy and your hand would be
where mine was.

Everything will be okay. I know that. I seem to forget that
we're always us, and will never forget. The way the world
shined, the things that became beautiful just because you said
I love you. You whispered it. Making me feel it into my toes.
You used to spend forever staring at just me. Making sure
I knew only you had eyes for me, nothing else deserved your
attention. I still cry those tears because it is something I greatly
miss.

But, I would miss you more if there wasn't a chance to share
those moments again. We laid in bed, so far away. Listening
to each other's breathing as we talked about everything and
nothing. I smiled and felt those butterflies again. How can I
love you so much, I ask myself every day. I'm reminded with
your face, with your voice. With how you still say those three
words. You still tease me. Making me burst out in laughter.

You say I love it. Truly I do. You still make me laugh.
You still make me smile. No matter how often it happens.
It'll still be yours, forever and ever. I bite my lip and swirl
my hair. When was the last time, I did this motion. Laying
here day-dreaming swirling my hair. You pointed it out to
me. Because I grew nervous and content. I admired you
for every moment you spent with me. The days we went
without talking it broke my heart and I sat here waiting.

Knowing soon we'd share those soft spoken words only
lovers say to each other. You started calling me your wife.
Now you no longer do, on occasion it slips. I wish you would
say it more. I stopped writing the words I used to write for
you. I drowned in sorrow and forgot I have to take care of you
too. I'm sorry, for I can't find the words anymore that make
sense. I can't find that place that we use to belong.

I hate how hard this is become, but that is love my dear.
I tell myself. These roads will grow hard and weary.
But, as long as we live another day it was well worth it.
I miss the laughter, the tears that meant so much.
I still cry when you leave me. I still feel as if I'm going
to crumble and nobody will stop it. I want to tell you to
stay when it's best that you leave. So, words of angry aren't
said.

I miss the poetic things you used to say, and the things you
used to write just for me. What happened to it? I ask knowing
damn well the question. I miss us, darling. Even I know we're
here. I just stopped looking for all the signs. That say, I'm the
only one for you.

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