.

god

I wish I could just
   crawl inside myself
 kaleidoscope bloodtears
bitter regrets and all;
       sake and cigarette stains
flicker, stop.dot.heart
  and
     fly
      on
        paper
           wings
                  ....

careen without direction
  on the maps of your veins
lose myself without sails...

           find something more to believe in
       further than torn paintings
      and finding beauty in all of this
  tired bullshit
I put myself through....


drive a dirge as a river through my lightraineyes
and wish upon
        fucking wish
                   there were something more
         some deeper understanding or outpour
      I could press into this pitiful epitaph;
   a little more pointless rage, frustration
 fucking emotion and desperation and melancholy
that could be smashed into words to begin to
  colour the letters of this dreamscape!

   instead;
     instead I'll watch this sunrise trace my bones
               and wish I knew what it was so damned happy about
         what the river talks about
      what the sky cries for
    what the trees reach for...
   why I'm so alone...

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