the phone rings ..........

.
.
.

and it is a call from a friend that has become all so dear to me.
I hear tears on the other end.

[though he is not crying out loud,
it is in his silence I can still hear them from within.]

 
He is torn, confused, hurting...wandering


L>O>S>T>


He tells me of the truth,
of how his heart has been shattered for a long time now.
 
He has such a good heart

the depths of love in his eyes has no end.
So giving, devoted and strong


But he can’t bring himself to let her go
[or is it the idea of what once was, ...that he is holding onto so tightly]

It suffocates me to think how and why anyone
could ever be so cruel
as to crush the life out of someone so beautiful
and just toss them aside to die
and then walk away

.
.
.


And I can feel the weight of sorrow in his words
the searching for answers within himself
needing to find some meaning to this madness
he still wants to make it work with her

and I ache for him...knowing....it never will

and so,,,I sob quietly
as I listen to him
on his end of the phone
 on his side of the world
but on this side of reality ,,,that I recognize all too well
just as it was once for me, and yes... sometimes still is...

Memories flash thru my mind of my own struggle
 to let go of the one I loved so much

It is so hard to force ourselves out of what is so natural to us
to stop loving
to stop wanting
to stop fighting for what we believe in so strongly
it is like trying to save a life
and painfuly knowing you cannot force the heart to beat
anymore than you can force the lungs to take another breath on its own
and having to accept that you have done all you could
then let go and move on


my friend and I are so alike in how deep we love people and also how we will fight to the death to keep it....

[but...who's death is it in the end really...]
I close my eyes and biting my lip I fight the tears back




like
I
do
almost
E.V.E.R.Y.
D.A.Y.

* sighs *




a very ugly familiar face of heartache stares back at me
[frightened of drifting too far away from how far I have come, I OPEN my eyes]


 His voice floats over the cellular airwaves
crackling and drifting to me like a dead body
discarded by the bloody river of a fragmented love

but he is still alive!!!!
barely... but he is

and of my love for him I am determined as hell
to do what I can to save him
 

I simply cannot stand by and watch him become a casualty of war

 
He is reaching out, and he is so far from me.
Mentally, I tried to take his hand in mine
but I kept losing sight of it thru the broken connection of our long distance conversation.


And at last...



relating to him ,
lending him my strength to know he will make it
make it out alive
out of that river he has been slowly drowning in


I too have been swallowed by the same merciless waters
and I struggle to surface still ....nearly every day
I am determined not to allow devastation to wash over him and the rage of pain to pull him under and claim his soul as it has already attempted to with his heart.

It is so easy
to just give up and give into the current
when the pain becomes to great
and the fight to survive only drains you of all your strength
then it becomes a mental battle

of
 you ...against... YOU
your mind ...against... your HEART


as we ended the conversation
it was incredibly difficult to hang up
 almost painful
just to leave him there
 on the other end
alone


if I had wings, Tony...
~~SMILES~~
I would fly to you
 and teach you
 how to soar
and show you just how beautiful life can be
when you are looking at it thru my eyes

who would we be
if our lens was changed for a moment
what would we see
would you still feel the same???

“” freedom is sometimes simply just another perspective away “”

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