in my fit of sleeping
dreaming
nightmares
I wake up screaming

my head aching

pounding
!!!!!!!!!!!
pounding
!!!!!!!!!!!
pounding

silence surrounds me
the walls are closing in

~suffocating, , , ,

becoming more and more painful to breathe

....

~( gasping for air she collapses onto the floor )~

....

memories in this room
dancing
like sirens screeching

mocking me
 
the presence of your absence
like a ghost
haunting every conscious subconscious moment

....

~( holding her head in her hands she lies on the floor and cries )~

....

I can't take the sound of your voice
as it echo's thru my mind
I can't get it out
can't run away

....

~( closing her eyes tight........she prays )~

....

my heart is no longer afraid to die
it breaks at least twice everyday

and even though I'm moving on
forced to face my life with you gone

it still confounds me
all the times that we tried

> broke up

> walked away

> gave in

> gave up

always came running back
both of us ran just as fast
searching for a way to save us
refusing to let our future become our past

still... we couldn't find a way
 couldn't make it work,
couldn't make it last

There are days

....

~( tears flood and fall from her eyes like Angels falling from the sky )~

....


**sighs**

Every now and again
I pretend I'm okay
but inside wishing everyday to be the end
the mask I wear is not for my own sake
but for that of everyone around me
knowing, ...that if they only knew
knowing, ...what they would say

that time heals all wounds

....

~( glances down at her heart and the blood stains on her soul )~

....

these wounds are fatal
 but how would they ever know

apparently transparent
they see only as much as what they want of me

unaware of me bleeding
and how often I stop breathing

....

~( she knows they mean well but no one can save her from this Hell )~

....

It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you

memories of us everywhere I go
But I'm doing it


**sighs...or ...am I??**


....

~( she breathes in deep and prays... for the strength to get her thru another day )~

....

It's so hard to force that smile
 that everyone expects

.
.
.
.

When I close my eyes
thoughts of you
....of us
consume my mind
and open them only to find
 I'm still alone

....

~( holds her breath and drowns from her sorrow )~

....

your need for control is what cost you everything

and now the loss of you , is costing me
my everyday ability
of
Getting up, getting dressed
Getting thru every day
all I can see
all I can dream
 everyday

.
.
.
.
.

Living with this pain and so much regret

but if I could do it over
I would trade my life
Give away my last breath
All the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken
.
.
.

What hurts the most
Was us being so close
And having so much to say
so much left undone
And that last time of watching you walk away
And knowing
What should have been
And you not seeing
.
.
.
.
that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

now so many pieces of me are missing
with every second I am missing you

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