1:05 AM - ....counting the seconds of minutes into hours of days

.
.

*sighs*
.
.

yes

I miss you

and yes I still love you

and yes I still see your face every time I close my eyes

(it's forever burned into memory)

and yes

my skin cries out for your touch

and my body just won't rest enough to sleep comfortably

(I'll never get used to you NOT holding me)

no

my days just aren't the same now without you standing in them

and yes

I want to run back into your arms with every second of every breath

( p a i n f u l l y )

but, KNOW

that I never will..even if you opened your arms and heart asking me to fall into them again

(because I know all to brutally what it is to fall into the crushing grasp of your palms and be left broken)

 

yes

the feeling of wanting, needing to LOVE and BE LOVED in the same depths that was once US...

..is killing me

 

and no

I'll never settle for anything less with anyone ever again.

AND YES

I will LOVE and BE LOVED again, in depths even greater than you made me believe was real.

(And I know it's out there, ..somewhere)

and, no...

*sighs*

I don't think anyone suspects the pain behind these eyes that stare thru them or see the life that's bleeding beneath my plastic smile that greets their questions with simple yes and no answers.

...every time they ask if I'm "OK"

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