DarkPoetry -|- hex -|- ripples

ripples

this city feels so wrong
like it doesn't really even belong
everything inside me
makes me feel like i can't see
anything
lost in my pain
can something
please return the rain

people can't see me when i cry
the rain is my little lullaby
when you look at me
what do you see

is it a man or a monster
i feel like an imposter
lost in the tides of time
lost in the ride i rhyme

contorted
that's what i am
distorted
that's how i began

lost in all this
lost in fear
why can't i find bliss
there's nothin to hear
but hearing yourself
thru the black abyss
that you let grow up on a shelf
and the end of all this
where will we be
cuz it all keeps happenin to me

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Comments on ripples

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On Monday June 11th, 2007, Clementine (153) writes:

eh theres something here, but as the same with a lot of work on here you lose meaning in the rhyme, its too forced and constant. While yes, this creates a rhythm, it also dulls the words and their meaning

On Friday November 17th, 2006, sixsixnine (563) writes:

i really enjoyed this piece. seperated from even our selves i think. bring back the rain... perfect

On Sunday November 12th, 2006, SamoneDrone (407) writes:

I think I can relate to his. It's just the kind of world we live in. ....-samone

On Friday October 13th, 2006, An Expired Member (7) writes:

i love it too perfect

On Thursday August 31st, 2006, An Expired Member (3) writes:

this piece is great. I love the last verse. perfect ending.

On Wednesday February 15th, 2006, Philla (138) writes:

by the by... this piece just stole my breath... you have a knack for such things *kissles* -*Philla*-

On Wednesday February 15th, 2006, Philla (138) writes:

Sweet Andrew *huggles* I see a man so lovely it's hard to believe that someone like him can even exist in a wicked world like this. You are beautiful.

On Monday January 9th, 2006, Moodswing (72) writes:

perhaps your soul is a bit older than you think...

On Sunday December 25th, 2005, An Expired Member (11) writes:

thanks for the comments...i read thins alot of times now and everytime its just gets better

On Monday December 19th, 2005, urbanhumility (1362) writes:

your words touch manny here, you speak of fear and realization........well done......urbna

On Friday December 9th, 2005, Lydia Jade (790) writes:

Interesting I like the bit about rain hiding your tears iv thought of that many times but never seemed to be able to fit it into a poem

On Saturday December 3rd, 2005, Vexed (107) writes:

nice write, don't think I could have done half so well with rhymes...

On Thursday December 1st, 2005, An Expired Member (19) writes:

This is a kick ass piece! ~Empty soul~

On Monday November 28th, 2005, suicideseason (2141) writes:

Nothing feels right when a huge chunk of your being isn't with you...you're just an idiot savant waiting for the One to take you by the hand and gently lead you away from harms way...Love is so vulnerable...a neon target on your back...

On Monday November 28th, 2005, suicideseason (2141) writes:

...You're Voltron in five lion form...no blazing sword to right the wrong.Very cool.

On Monday November 14th, 2005, coly (76) writes:

thats cool good job i feel youre point

On Monday November 14th, 2005, An Expired Member (25) writes:

preety sweet man Keep on writing

On Saturday November 12th, 2005, glasshouse (801) writes:

i expected this to suck ass in an exceptionally large way... and the rhyme is forced in some places but there are some good lines here. it does sing a little as you get further. *shrugs* hmm. -Glass

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