any way i can
to mangle through the day
an 8mm that loops pictures
of what i used to be;
. ..  SHOUTING DOESN’T EVER WORK.....
nor does the fetal position;
a swirl of last leaves as they die::
s i t t i n g    v e r y   p a t i e n t l y only makes me
feel. .. .  so. .. . . so i just
try
to calm myself. .. 
 .but i know this... i refuse
to shy away from you, regardless
of where you burrow into me
not even if you rake me across the equator
and back... what would be the point?
i’ll just cry until i get to the bottom,
even if i must smile the unthinkable.
this damn computer screen;

emotionless, faceless, voiceless, soul.less, empathyless. . .
fling out all my thoughts until 
someone somehow 
cries with me, for me,
instead of me . ..

but i will not fall \ apart,
from this earth

.....

.