It haunts me every move
(you haunt my every move)
I feel an unwanted presence
(you’re still breathing on the back of my neck)
But there is nothing there
Just the wind.

You’re like my shadow
Except
My shadow goes away on rainy days
And you do not
I am sick of you
Following me around
Like a lost little puppy
I do not own you
And you are not mine.

Memories some fade away
As do bad moments, rainy days, and football games
So why don’t you follow suit?

Dreams are dreams
And nightmares become reality
If I could forget you ever existed
I would,
That though would be a dream
And dreams do not come true.

My nightmare is
That I will see your, your face
I’ll hear your voice
I will feel your presence
As I turn around every corner
Of every second of every day.

Your memory lingers on
Constantly slipping through grabbing hands
Constantly out-witting them
By sheer luck
You are not as smart as you think
Little-boy
You are eventually going to run out of
“luck”

And those grabbing, squeezing,
Constantly prying hands
That you used to outwit
And slip away from
Are going to grab you.

But instead of throwing you away and pushing
You out of my memory
They’ll just push you back to the beginning
So you can start all over again.
(I can’t handle that again)

The next time you get back to where you were
Those hands
Will have frozen completely.

I hope that when they freeze
(if and when they freeze)
They have you
The memories of you
Anything of you
Everything about you
Within their grasp
So fucking tight
That no matter how much you squirm
And no matter how much effort you put into getting out
You’re stuck there
Tired
So tired
You don’t give a shit
And you just end up sitting there
Drowning in your self pity,
Frowning,
Crying,
And feeling sorry for little old you.


Have you ever felt so low
And depressed that
You literally are mad at yourself?

You get mad at random things
Mat at yourself for feeling this way
And mad at yourself for being so mad
At yourself.

So you cry
And you try to think of happy thoughts
But no matter how hard you try you can only think
Of one person
One lousy person
And it saddens you so much more.

You loathe yourself so damned much
That you can only think of one lousy person
That it pisses yourself so much
You want to strangle something or someone
And preferably
That person you are thinking about.

How much can you take
(I am at a breaking point
I am ready to scream and hurt my lungs)
I want to scream your name so loud
That it gives your fucking grandchildren
Nightmares.

Am I still the little heart
The girl you thought you could just walk all over
As if it were a dirty old rug?

Or am I the once scarred heart
That is so numb inside
That it barely feels what people call love,
The lonely woman that cannot keep a relationship for more
Then two months?

I want to fuck with your head
So bad
I want to distort it to a shape that is so
Unrecognizable
And if someone wanted to look into it
They would see nothing but sides and curves
No end at all,
I want to fuck with you
Worse
Way fucking worse
Then you fucked up me…

…


You twiddle your thumbs
And pretend you don’t know any of this,
Fake a smile
And say things like
“I am so sorry,
I didn’t know that you were not emotionally stable
I didn’t think that going separate ways
Would hurt you so much”
You say it like it is my fault?!?
Like you are doing ME a favor
By spitting those lies into the air
If only I had a fucking tape-recorder.

How I would love to play back
The filthy trash
That spews from your mouth
And drips onto the floor
(if only I had a camera
I’d love to take a picture so I could see forever
The look on your face)

Fake your god-damned smile
And shove
Your filthy second-hand lies
Back into your mouth
If you’re so fucking lazy
And have lost the will to be real
And take the blame
(it is rightfully yours
So stop acting like a dickhead
A ten year old that got told
NO)
Shut your fucking mouth
I have heard enough lies to last a lifetime and more.

Take your filthy garbage
Take you fucking love
Take that girlfriend of yours
Get them all out of my life
I don’t want them
I don’t own her
I don’t own your love
Or you
Take your memories and trash them
Rip them up
Like you did my heart
And throw them away
Like you did to my love.

I’d give so much for someone
To take my memories
Of you, everything about you
Everything about my love for you
(that you just laughed at me while taking
Bloody scissors
To my heart and cutting it in little pieces
You didn’t love me)
And get rid of them
(rid me of my good ones of you as well).

Dreams remain dreams
And nightmares will become reality
My dreams I want will never be true
(I will never be fully rid of you)
My nightmares about you
In the end will be real
(nightmares are reality
Well, reality sucks)
You’ll always be my shadow
Following me around
(even on those rainy days)
Breathing down the back of my neck
And haunting my every move.

Pretty soon
I’ll see your face, I’ll hear your voice
When I turn a corner
Every corner
Everywhere, anywhere I go.

Stop haunting me
You’re my shadow that refuses to go away
You need to get a life
And get out of mine
I don’t own you,
And you are not mine,
You are not a lost puppy
So stop acting like one
(you’re not ten anymore grow up
I hate you so much)

Memories
I’ve learned some will fade
And fade away for good
But memories, memories of you
They are stubborn, not too smart,
And full of luck, they won’t fade away
They fight, they squirm

Slippery wet
They slip through the fingers of those
Gabbing, gripping, eager, prying hands.

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