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"Shore Side Reverie" by Delphoid-Q

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On the shore the seaman stands,
His sailing days all done -
No longer shall he brave the tides
Nor watch the wavelets run.

He stands to watch the foam-flecked surf
Frolic over the sand -
To reflect on a life lived free of woe
Upon the oceans spanned.

With comrades had he spent his days,
Made one through sweat and toil -
Good men they were who lived at sea
Who have now all turned to soil.

For only the sea still cares for him,
Only the waves stayed true -
The world speeds on forever more,
But the sea retains her hue.

He sees the waves come crashing in
And weeps through hardened eyes -
A tear escapes his bearded cheek
To join a sea of sighs.



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If you [Log In] as a member you can discuss this work with others

On Tuesday December 7th, 2004, An Expired Member (35) writes:
sounds better. glad my criticism, to your credit, was taken constructively, as i meant it to be taken. valid assertion as well; meaning shouldn't be compromised for style. also, in 3rd stnz. does "made one" refer to comrades or days?


On Tuesday December 7th, 2004, Delphoid-Q (255) writes:
Too few ppl criticise on this site for my liking, so I enjoy it when someone is honest and helps me improve. It refers to both the seaman and his comrades, btw...


On Sunday December 5th, 2004, An Expired Member (35) writes:
1st stanza is strong, the two upons in 2nd bothered me...and i think a who've at the end of 3 sounds better. not to be 2 critical...your one of my favorite poets here, and i really like the idea here!


On Monday December 6th, 2004, Delphoid-Q (255) writes:
Thank you for the crit... The repetition of the 'upon' I must admit I hadn't noticed and will change when I think of an alternative. However, although a contraction might smooth out the 3rd stanza a bit, I consider the 'who have' to be more fitting both


On Monday December 6th, 2004, Delphoid-Q (255) writes:
in terms of the style and the linguistic level of this piece. Thanx again for reading and helping me improve my poetry. You’re becoming one of my favs too ;)


On Friday September 24th, 2004, BeautifulCalamity (586) writes:
very good write, painted quite the picture.. i especially liked " a tear escapes his bearded cheek to join a sea of sighs".. beautifully done


On Friday February 13th, 2004, Daemonicus (639) writes:
mmmmmhh very nice work here, you seem to have refined your writing a lot, it's articulate, and paints a wonderful picture, and the feeling comes through easily. very nice.


On Tuesday January 20th, 2004, stormtalk (909) writes:
Very well-written and lovely... reminds me of Samuel Taylor Coleridge's "Rime of the Ancient Mariner" (in both style and content). I like this one a lot... time to read more!


On Thursday December 25th, 2003, suicideseason (2145) writes:
wow...the flow is amazing.you painted a great picture."With comrades had he spent his days, Made one through sweat and toil – Good men they were who lived at sea Who have now all turned to soil." is great!awesome write!~season


On Wednesday December 10th, 2003, Nadir (631) writes:
Love it. I can easily imagine his life, from what you wrote. We got alot of ocean here and around also :) ... This also made me think, that the calmness in many elder people that had a hard life is realy to admire.


On Wednesday December 10th, 2003, Nadir (631) writes:
Especialy when looking at screaming, cutting and whining youth... wuuups did I say that? I must have meant it then. Tiger


On Tuesday December 9th, 2003, GreekPhilosopher (181) writes:
The Old Man Sea Standing With The Reminisce Thingy! I Love It! Its Been A While But Henneyway. GPhD.


On Monday December 8th, 2003, TropicalSnowstorm (693) writes:
Lovely piece! Good to see a new piece from you, VERY nice flow and rhythm. I love traditional pieces that are well done like this one. Ciao, T/S


On Friday December 5th, 2003, A Velvet Tongue (529) writes:
if you throw in a pop tart..(un-iced) strawberry flavor......I'll leave a really cool comment...


On Saturday December 6th, 2003, Delphoid-Q (255) writes:
*Throws in an uniced, strawberry pop tart*.


On Friday December 5th, 2003, -Oz- (173) writes:
WOW!!....you must go to the sea a lot...your poem is just....WOW!..~YeStErDaY~


On Friday November 28th, 2003, OLd SouL (838) writes:
to be one with nature is a beautiful thing. The longing here is aching... the sea is running through his veins and intensity magnifies with every beat of his heart. Wonderful read :::OLd


On Friday November 28th, 2003, Bast (899) writes:
this is beautiful.... nature remains consistantly inconsistant... there is such resigned longing and wistfulness in here... just an ache... ::nuzzles:: happy to see your work again.


On Thursday November 27th, 2003, sole (114) writes:
Very cool poem. The ocean is a good listener, nice work.


On Thursday November 27th, 2003, An Expired Member (4) writes:
I like water, and i feel bad for the seaman....sucks to be old.-Acid



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Printed from www.DarkPoetry.com/dp/1078/24844 on Friday August 29th, 2008 09:47 PM

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