You know that some one cares for you but you can’t mentally see them.
You see that you can’t seem to keep those few that might in mind all the time.
You feel a big void that you think needs to be filled.
You look to a female, but she has problems too.
Is that the reason that you are attracted to her in this way?
Is it because she has problems and knows how some things feel like.
Is that why you choose her to try to fill this void.
You are attracted to her for pure comfort, not because you want to screw her.
You want to be comforted, to be loved/cared for by some one around you.
So you try to turn to her, but she pushes you away because…
You really don’t know do you?
You wonder if she is like the others, an a$$hole?
Does she just try to be nice because she feels sorry, or does she really care?
When you feel bad you just want to have somebody to talk about it to.
Some times in those really hard times just a hug, and knowing someone, any one is there will do.
But will telling her this kill a friendship that is the best you’ve had in years?
You wonder if she can help you
Or can you not be helped because you push everyone away.
But wait, you don’t push everyone away you have never tried to push her away.
You would tell her anything she wanted to know, and never lie to her.
But will she ever know because you probably will never tell her, will you?
You would like this relationship to be both ways.
If she has a bad day she deserves to talk doesn’t she?
She deserves to tell someone her troubles, someone that won’t tell our peers.
What’s the most you could loose?
Wait you could loose her as your only true friend.
Or at least you think she is a true friend.
But you wonder a lot, if she cares for you, just as you doubt yourself all the time.
People say your problem is that you don’t think well of yourself all time.
But all you say is why think highly of yourself,
You can’t do much, if anything better then any of the people you look up to.
Is that it, you put your goals to high?
You don’t think so because you don’t meet any of the goals others give you.
You got a quote once from one of the people you look up to the most, her
“All that really counts is that you try… if you aren't the best then we can only ask for you to give YOUR best.”
Ever since you got that quote you have tried to live by it.
But you even fail at that; you get down on your self more.
The reason you get down on yourself is because your best screws everyone else up.
Anyway this is how you feel but you don’t under stand it.
Can she help you? You will probably never know, for she will never find out. The only person you have ever told knows nether of you well, and you are too scared to tell her that you want this next step in a relationship, for she might say she does not and then you will be without the best and one of your last, reasons to stay here.
Now you tell one other but should she be the third you tell? You can only know if you try to find out but you risk so much. But they say you can always find another friend but will you ever find one like her, no. You are just desperate for some one to care about you and your existence, why her? Probably, because she is the most compatible with the type of relationship that you want. You are not looking for a sexual relationship and you really don’t think she is either (especially with you) but you just want a caring friend. And don’t know how to get her to see this, or even if she can be this person. How did you mess every thing up like this?
What do you think?
What should I do I don’t know and am stuck.
What would you do?
Do I tell her and take the risk or do I just do something else.
If I loose more friends there’s no reason to stay here.
