Still,
Still I sit here.
Still I sit here waiting.
Waiting for nothing that will ever return.

Yet,
Yet I will wait.
Yet I will wait always.
Always sitting in silence for my turn.

This isn't what I need to do.
This isn't where I should be.
These aren't the things I should want.
These aren't the things I need to be.

I am an annoyance,
To myself,
To all around,
To anyone.

The thing I long most to do,
Is bathe myself in the sun.
I wish to burn your shadow off of me,
And incinerate my soul into nothing.

I wish to cleanse myself in the purity of oblivion.
I dream of becoming spotless like the so called lamb.
I covet the idea of entwining myself with nothingness.
Yet, I long to be encompassed by the arms of a stranger willing to love me.

Love,
Like a killer addiction.
Take away the heroine from the junkie,
Watch him squirm.

I need a fix.
I want it so bad.
So badly I cast away lust,
For that split second of a shared glance.

To be warm again.
To be held in arms,
Even those of lies,
That say they'll protect me.

So many times have I spoken,
Of the love I once possessed.
And even more,
Of the hatred that overthrew it.

So much that I've not shared,
With anyone.
It is all lost,
All lost to her.

So many words have slipped from my mouth,
Speaking of a lingering attachment.
Silently though not one,
Not one is magical in any sense.

A broken record is all that I have become.
Yet, I find myself trying to listen to the radio.
I flip the channels moving from one warm body to the next.
Yet, the dial never turns.

Look into my solemn gray eyes,
Find my soul.
Let me know if you do,
Because I've been looking for years.

I thought I caught a glimpse one time,
In the eyes of another.
But I was mistaken,
It was was only their soul laughing at my lack.

Creatures of habit,
That's all we are and will ever be.
Hoarding nonessential easy-way-outs,
Always searching for the next best thing.

This is my manifesto of my mental state,
Perhaps the only thing that could possibly be real.
Real to me anyway,
Who knows what is real to you?

Sleep now,
Ignorant of this evil world that watches you in your bed.
Dream now,
Arrogant to those souls lost to chasing dreams that were never there.

Cry out in your slumber,
As life hits you inside of your fears.
Collect your shattered beliefs,
And realize you are alone.

Go now into the world of emptiness,
And a void only the blind call home.
Scream out and wipe your tears,
As you wait only for an echo long dead.

Move over now,
Make room in the grave for me.
Pull the walls down,
Cover us in dirt so we may be at peace.

Suffocate,
Under the pressure of our negligent mother.
Cremate,
Light ourselves upon our pyres.

Be still and silent,
Yet frantic and screaming in your head.
Sit and wait,
Yet run and be anxious on the inside.

That's life.
Nothing special.
Nothing simple or complicated.
Who knows what it is?

But I know the only thing that's real,
The only thing worth caring about,
The only thing to worry about is,
JUST...

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