So, the holidays have come again, and I'm home and this time there is something
missing.

You.

And it feels strangely haunting to know that you are a few minutes away, but
that I shouldn't call because I was the one who decided things were over.

To you, who was (is?) my best friend - I'm sorry.
I was wrong to think that our life could just end with the words, "It's over".
I think about you and want you to know that.

And I hope that you are happy with your life, and that things are going well for you.
And I want to call, but wouldn't know what to say.

"I'm sorry that I was a bitch to you."
"I'm sorry that I got so angry when I found out you couldn't tell me you had a
new girlfriend."
"I'm sorry that I sent you an email to end our 4 year relationship/friendship."
"I'm sorry you hurt me so much that I still cry about it."
"I'm sorry I can't write you something better than this..."

I'm going to call you this week. You deserve it. And I need to find out how you
are, because I still care...

~f_p december 2002

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