i don't know if you ever get the feeling that you are the only
one who cares about anything at all in the world, but i get this
feeling all the time. i care about everything and everyone. i
just want someone to care for me half as much and i will be happy
... i don't think people realize how much i need to feel loved...
because sometimes i get so upset when no one is home when i call,
or when i make plans and someone cancels on me for no reason, or
when i just really need somebody to be there and they aren't. it
is then that i know that i am all alone, everyone thinks that i
am not...they all think that i am miss popularity with my friends
and my various monotonous activities, but to tell you the truth,
those are all just there to keep me from feeling this feeling that
i get when i realize that no one cares as much as i do. and i try
so hard to be a good friend, but it always falls back in my face.
its as if nobody knows what it means to be a friend. no one
understands loyalty. and sincerity. and love. and kindness.
i really don't know who i am or who i will ever be and that
makes me scared. for now, all i want is for someone to be there
for me and to support me and to not try and solve my problems,
but be there to listen to them and support me in my decisions
whether good or bad. i need someone who knows when to listen to
me, and knows when i don't want to be listened to. somebody who
knows when i don't want to hear them talk or when i don't want to
talk, and accepts that. no questions asked. somebody who doesn't
get scared when i tell them i am upset and i don't know why. i
need somebody who i can help through lifes struggles, someone who
needs me as much as i need them. someone who is just as lonely
as i am. someone who i can be lonely with.
maybe there isn't anybody in the world who wants to be lonely up
to my criteria....but if there is, would someone please let me
know who it is? because i haven't met him yet.



*please understand that this is my depressing rambling for the
evening and it is not directed at you, p.*

© froG_pRinceSs 1999

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