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"Rubaiyat Ramblings" by fushigi no kaosu

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I.
Heavy breathing, sound of fear,
Ever creeping, someone’s near
Don’t look now, right behind you,
Haunting laughter, can’t you hear?


II.
Clouded skies, pouring rain,
Thunder clashes, resounding pain
I lay below, in my sorrow
Mourning ever, here I remain


III.
Redrum, murder just behind
Here this soul, my hands do bind
New moon rises, now alone
In my eyes, no feeling you’ll find


IV.
Upon this earth, I am but a scar,
This war inside has gone too far.
Inside my self, my soul lay sleeping,
Always waiting, for my shooting star


V.
As my eyes gaze to the stars above,
They mourn the loss of burning love
I tear myself apart, ever searching
For the essence I was deprived of

justa new style i'm trying. tell me what you think.




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On Saturday December 1st, 2007, Nuri (192) writes:
I've never read a Rubaiyat here before. For me, the best of poetry is what could be expressed freely even within the constraints of rhyme and structure. You did well, in my opinion... It would sound most beautiful if you kept a tighter meter though. It's a bit bumpy. But again, I think you did well. I always admire a structured poem. I think I'm going to try writing a rubaiyat myself. Thanks for the inspiration!


On Friday November 30th, 2007, Nill (167) writes:
Rubaiyat? Sufi parrables? I think. Or some reference to Islam. I take a lot of your metaphors you wrote in lieu of the title as references to Allah. Neat any other way.


On Sunday December 2nd, 2007, fushigi no kaosu (88) writes:
Rubaiyat is a type of poem actually. It's actually a pretty loose form though. The distinct thing is the rhyme pattern, A,A,B,A.


On Tuesday October 3rd, 2006, TwilightMelodies (1064) writes:
"Upon this earth, I am but a scar,/This war inside has gone too far." Ooooooh, I like the new style. The rhyme scheme left me breathless, the imagery gorgeous. Beautifully done! ~*Beth*~


On Tuesday October 3rd, 2006, Sanctuary (84) writes:
This is some crazy great stuff!! I used to use this method, but felt to "hemmed" in by it. But you have managed to make it bold and deep. Nice job



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