I've spent my life practicing, walking tightropes and high beams with a safety net underneath me and your fucking guns to my head.

Now i've found my own balance. No net or safety about it-- i know myself well enough to know that i don't need one. And when i balance like this i feel confident, free, and so fucking alive that i sometimes wonder why it gets me such pity and concern.

You can tell me it's wrong. You can tell me that i'm hurting myself and everyone around me. But what no one seems to understand is that the only way i can keep from falling is to know that i have no choice. That i have only myself to depend on.

This is what i want to do. This is how i want to feel. Talk all you want about pain and scars and clotted blood, this is what you see. I see myself.

Perfectly balanced on top of a razorblade.

And, for the first time in my life, smiling. Because i know now that if i ever hit rock bottom, it won't be because i fell

but because i jumped.

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